I started this post last Sunday (7/22/18) It feels as though everyday is a fight against/with depression. I don’t know the last time I “checked in” with myself but I know that every time I “check in” (or maybe every other time) with myself the conversation sounds about the same “why am I so tired and in so much pain” “have I been absent from mindfulness for so many minutes, hours, days, weeks that I have forgotten something important” “have I been taking my medicine” “this can’t be a normal way to feel”
Sunday’s seem to be the worse for self reflection. Especially if things haven’t been great for me!
Since I didn’t complete that post I will use this as an opportunity to point out the difference a week can make!
I am in a much better mood this Sunday. I’m sitting here now, reflecting on the last week. I am not sure what has contributed to this better mood but instead of coming up with something to answer the above question, my mind wondered off to many other things! Before I moved back to Decatur in 2013 I had very little opportunity for stability which meant I was always rushing through things because I knew something would soon be changing ie: where I lived, where I worked, going to school and so on. Now for the first time I have lived in the same place for 5 years and I was working at the same place for 5 years. I’ve been in the same place long enough to see the 3 younger kids have all graduated high school and have went to college and are living on their own. I’m rambling aren’t I? Well to reign it all in: I’ve never had the stability that I now have which has afforded me the opportunity to catch up with myself and even start to like myself! I just registered for college again! I’ve always wanted to get a bachelors degree and I’ve always wanted to get paid for doing something I like…..helping people…….but nursing wasn’t meant to be forever……..
To understand why nursing wasn’t meant to be forever I am writing another post: “Nursing in a Nursing home”
For goodness sake….I don’t think this post has actually been about anything in particular!!