Poverty=immorality

HUFFINGTON POST 05/04/2016 12:20 am ET

Stealing Small Amounts Of Food When In Desperate Need Is Not A Crime, Rules Italy’s Highest Court

“A small theft because of hunger is in no way comparable to an act of delinquency, because the need to feed justifies the fact.”

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By Dominique Mosbergen

So, I tend to live in my sunshiney world so maybe this isn’t headline news BUT it never occurred to me that people actually believe that those living in poverty lack morals!!!!

Here’s what I see, if you ever go without anything or you come to a place where your kids may do without then YES you are going to be willing to do something you may not do otherwise. The funny thing is that ALL sin is equal!! So, if those that never have gone without think “oh I would never do that” let me tell you that….. Pretty sure many of these folks that sit high and mighty have: not only broke each and every commandment but done so in fine fashion! Adultery, envy, extortion, greed and so on and so forth….

I just want to remind folks that: you shouldn’t judge some one for stealing a loaf of bread because it may be because you fired them to save money!!!!

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Local Flora & Fauna

Science & Dr. P

So, this last year has changed my life in so many ways!

  1. I lost my job 1 year ago
  2. I started my journey with addiction Tuesdays
  3. I spent many happy days with my Kids/Grand kids
  4. I spent many nights crying over my Kids/Grand kids
  5. I started attending Millikin University
  6. I took my first Science class in 15 years
  7. I became enlightened and humbled with each new class
  8. I met Dr. P!!!!

It may not be that obvious to my wonderfully patient instructor that I am indeed learning from her but I am! Well, the class is officially over so we will say I did learn from her! I wish that I could say that I learned the name of all the birds, trees, insects, mammals and such that I should have. However, not only did I learn much more than I ever have in any other Science class, but I thoroughly enjoyed learning about “Local Flora & Fauna”. In all that I have been through over the last year, this is the only thing so to speak, to get me out of the house! Literally I have intentionally gone out each and everyday {regardless of the weather} and enjoyed nature! I genuinely believe that this has made such a dramatic change in my life that I will be eternally grateful to Dr. P! I just wanted to write this little post to remind everyone of a few things:

  1. Go outside…..it is AMAZING out there!
  2. Contrary to what the president says: (global warming/climate change is real AND we did it AND we can change it AND Roly Polys are doing their part SO I feel like we should get on the ball…pun intended)
  3. According to Dr. P Science and Math are only hard in my head and I may just believe her!

Just when I thought

Just when I thought there couldn’t be one more cause I would champion, God seen fit to show me differently!

Weeks ago I applied for a job working in a group home for developmentally disabled. Although from common sense and being a nurse for 14 years I knew what “developmentally disabled” meant I had no concept of their daily lives or struggles!

A month into the job I love it more than ever! It is still health care so there’s many things to complain about. Naturally the great state of Illinois is 44 out of 50 states for the funding that they give to this population. This means that the turnover rate for caregiver’s is extremely high which also means that there’s very little consistency in the lives of many of them.

Although it’s been fifty years since they decided these people deserve to live life like everyone else instead of in institutions there is only about 15 states that have closed all of their state ran facilities.

Additionally although the world has come a long way and accepting people the way they are or people who I seem to be different it still seems difficult for these awesome people to go out in the community without people staring. Many of them just have social or intellectual deficits that we’re never recognized as such and if they were born that way today there would have been many more resources available to them.

People will often recognize them for they’re protruding or pronounced features, unsteady gait, or possibly their lack of social skills. If anyone spent any time getting to know them they would recognize them for their outgoing, friendly personalities and great big hugs and hearts!

https://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=32276

Potbelly Pigs, Portugal, pills, poverty and prison

POTBELLY PIGS:This is really just a terrible ploy to draw attention to my amazing Potbelly Pigs: Edgar & Esmeralda! Actually I just wanted to point out that they have saved me from certain doom and gloom over the last year! If it were not for having them it would have been much more difficult to get up for “addiction Tuesdays” at the same time as I was adjusting to “empty nest/nesting”!?!?

PILLS, POVERTY & PRISON:

So I’ll in no way pretend that I fully understand anyone else’s struggle but I can tell you that in the last 10 years the 2 ladies that understood my struggles the most:

Seriously though, in 2001 Portugal decriminalized drugs…… Crazy right!?!? I’m sure many people thought this would create mass chaos! Well quite the opposite:

I’m A Inja Maw-Maw

On June 7, 2009 God proved to me that there is a “new and improved” love that I had to give!! He gave me my first grandchild!! A grandson!!

Skylar Henry Lee Boliard aka “my little lover man”.

Of course now that he is 9 going on 19 I get eye rolling when I call him my little anything 🥰

When he was about 4-5 years old he went through a Ninja loving phase. He couldn’t say Ninja at the time so one day he came running in our bedroom dressed in a black skeleton costume and a plastic knife in one hand and a star in the other and very proudly announced “look, I’m a inja maw-maw” ….. Cutest line ever!

Then came technology! It wasn’t until Skylar spent hours running around the house making music videos of mainly himself, a couple with his sister’s and one with my mom that I heard of “tiktok”. I never let him out of sight with technology but naturally I was a little worried when I heard bad things about the app! However, the videos were adorable. I suppose I could be biased but I doubt it!

Skylar has recorded a few videos in documentary form here and there but this is by far my favorite!

I’m sure he will be a star one day soon!

I’m a Flipping Genuis….in the shower

First and foremost I would like to point out (for those of you that chose to click on the title and not pass it up) that the title was going to be: I’m a F@cking Genuis….in the shower but because I am blogging under another category for school I felt I should behave myself!!

This post was made possible by: MXD Cocktail Co, Long Island Ice Tea!

Side note: I heard today on HLN that some Mom’s are drinking wine in excess and as much as I like to joke I say this seriously: If drinking wine or any other alchohol has got out of hand, you know it and you should stop, seriously!! Secondly, being a nurse and a mom I try to research everything and especially if I am going to blog about it and I can sincerly say that I don’t fully understand addiction. I can and have drank every night for a year and then not drink for 3 years and then do it all over again, I never considered that an addiction or a relapse but if you participate in drug rehab that is what they say!! I’ve always considered addiction to be something you can’t willingly stop doing without terrible side effects and withdrawls! (2nd & 3rd sidenote: we’re addicted to HLN & we even have our faves but I have to tell you that @LynnSmithTV is not messing around!! Ok, 1 more sidenote, she came back from having her 2nd baby and now she is even more fabulous, I’m like “what? that’s crazy! Go on with your bad self @LynnSmithTV!!) Ok, I lied, one more sidenote: And that’s the simple truth! Again, I was like: go on with your bad self #branding #$$$$

Ok, back to me being a genuis: This is going to serve 2 purposes (well 3 since I rambled on earlier)

1: Sunshine’s LIIT hack, which only qualifies as a hack for people who “save furniture from the side of the road”, Tell their children: I raised you not to fight and then highly consider getting out of the mini van and whooping someone for cutting your baby off while you watch in the rearview mirror!, and have had at least 1 utility shut off already this year!! LMAO

LITT hack: It is like my own little “retreat” to turn on a long, hot shower, drink……pretty much whatever, preferably wine or MXD Long Island Ice Tea, and listen to really awesome music starting with: Aerosmith, Dream On, with: The Southern California Children’s Chorus-Boston Marathon Bobing Tribute

2nd: We will address the “clearly creaive genuis” that occurrs when I am in the shower! I’ve thought about putting a whitboard (a whitboard, seriously!?😋) white board in the shower for years because I always have this time “alone” so to speak wth my thoughts! I can’t decide if I love all this thinking in the shower or if it pisses me off for taking over my LIIT retreat hack……so here we are…….still waiting on the (undocumented and quickly forgotten) creative genuis that occurrs, only in my shower….Like the French Film: To Rome with Love where the guy only sings opera while he is in a shower with running water!

Addiction Tuesdays “The Opposite of Addiction is Connection”

As I shared in the original post: Addiction Tuesdays, I go to group counseling every Tuesday as well as single/private counseling. The group is called connections and although we have watched videos on connections and had little assignments based on connections AND my (common sense understanding of connections) I still didn’t quite understand the premise behnd Connections.

Although I consider myself an empathetic person (even the strength finders test says so) I still carry the old school mentallity that you can’t fix anything making excuses. Because of this I had a hard time understanding how all this touchy feely connections business would help every addict through recovery. I wanted to prove the old school thought wrong so I looked up the basis for this Connections school of thought and that is when I found out about :

The Rat Park, a study conducted by Bruce K. Alexander, in an edited synopsis original studies in addiction had (I’m going to call them mice because it’s a much cuter name) mice in individual boxes with regular water and drug infused water, the mice continuously chose the drug infused water but once the study was change to include a “Rat Heaven” where the mice could play freely, make babies and raise families they would completely ignore the drug infused water! So in a nutshell, they realized social mice/people need healthy connections!

Here I thought I had come to some fabulous realization about addiction and revovery! I even went to counseling and enthuisiastically regurgatated what I could remember about the “Rat Park”. Ahead of this appt for the first time I answered a list of questions called “The ACE test”: Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Today I started to do a little more research that said: wait a minute, we can’t just base addiction treatment on happy mice! (of course I was devestated because although rationally I knew it sounded to simple, I still wanted to believe it) The updated research went on to say that 60% of Americans have at least 1 adverse childhood experience and 25% have experienced at least 3. People with an ACE score of 5 or higher are up to ten times more likely to experience addiction. Of course my score was 8. Typically I would slide a joke in right here but I’ll behave!

So really this all tells me what I already know

I have to process my childhood trauma to really move forward…..blah blah blah

OMG, YOU ARE A NURSE!?

Being a nurse is a huge responsibility! Like many other occupations when people find out that you are a nurse they want to ask healthcare questions. Of course healthcare is so super personal, after all it is a life that were talking about! So this means that 1 single human being, in an 8 hour shift, has (literally) 15-50 (depending on the shift and nursing home) other human beings lives in their hands! I was always so envious of the super organized and focused nurses who seem to have super human abilities to complete their work. Having said that, I knew how to nurse like that but something inside me prohibited me from doing so. I’d like to say it is my big heart or my conscience but either way there is no room in a nursing home for a nurse such as myself! I’m not being caddy, that is just a fact. Let me just give you a quick story from my first week of nursing that will explain the difference between these “Super Nurses” and me.

My first week as a nurse in LTC I worked on an alzheimers unit. It was a locked floor with 40 residents for 1 nurse and 3-4 CNAs. I was working dayshift, a nurse was orientating me and we were doing morning med pass together in a common area. He was walking up to the residents and administering medications efficiently, like 5 residents to each of my 1. He finally stopped, looked over at me and said: What are you doing? Of course he must have read the confusion on my face because he went on to repeat my greeting to each resident in what I suppose was my voice “Good Morning Mr. Smith, How are you?” “I have your medicine for you” still I looked at him with a look of what could I possibly be doing wrong, He is explained to me: “There is no time to be making friends with each of them, you will never get done”. He was not being malicious he was just being honest!

I just came across an article that accurately describes LTC in the nicer nursing homes!

The Truth About Nursing Homes: David Macaray; counterpunch.org

David Macaray is a playwright and author. His newest book is : How to Win Friends and Avoid Sacred Cows

I’ve come to realize lately that letting go of nursing is only a problem for me the way the thought of seeing your ex with someone else keeps you in a unhealthy relationship! The state surveyors know they are unrealistic yet nothing/no one changes anything. The administrative staff…well I’ll leave that alone. I love and respect about 95% of the nurses and CNAs I worked with! I feel that is saying a lot considering….

So, APPARENTLY Erikson was correct with his theories that missing out on things as a child will have long term consequences! Meaning: I can’t deal with the feeling of having my hands tied. That my friends is what nursing is all about! Your license is in everyone else’s hands and the things that you think you should be able to do for your resident’s just isn’t so! Well, I can’t speak for all of nursing, I’m really speaking of LTC. I’ve said this many times before but nursing homes (I’ve worked in 6 nursing homes in 2 different cities and there was one thing they all had in common: Never enough time to give everyone individualized attention!

Sooo, where does this leave me? Well, I’ll tell you where…..unemployed! Don’t get me wrong, being done with nursing wasn’t all my idea but I do feel like it’s for the best…..I just don’t know….my identity I guess….I’m no longer a nurse I guess (after 12+ years) Do I still want to be in healthcare? I’m working on a bachelors in Organizational Leadership but I won’t graduate for another 2 years…….

Social Anxiety



I haven’t worked outside of the house since May. This has been/should be a good thing. The only problem is….now that it’s time for me to go back to work, I’m a nervous wreck! I’ve had one interview and I was slightly shaking and my voice was quivering. I can’t stand up in front of a group of people but I’ve always been good at interviews!

Last night I was suppose to have my first day/eve of class this semester. The class “College Athletes in America”, seemed great! I love sports, especially football. I was so excited, until I got outside of the classroom! Looking in the door I realize that there are only guys in the classroom! I just panicked and left!

I emailed the guidance counselor and going in tomorrow to figure it all out but I don’t get it. I LOVE school and learning so I don’t know if overall I’m more anxious or if it is just that it was a room full of guys!?

2/3/19 Well I had to email the instructor of the class on Thursday and have to meet with him on 2/4/19 to see if “we can figure something out”. Sounds like no reason to be anxious, ha ha ha, OMG just realized I am double booked for tomorrow……seriously me? I never have more than one thing to do in a day lately and now tomorrow I have 2 appts scheduled at the time…..

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