For the last few months I’ve been going to group counseling and then private. I go every Tuesday because “My name is Sunshine and I am a ____________. Just fill in the blank: an addict, a survivor of abuse, a person with a mental illness, a product of my shit childhood……you get the point! So, although I’ve been going to counseling on and off since I was 9, I affectionately refer to my most recent “stint”in counseling as “Addiction Tuesdays”!
I have no idea where I was at when everyone else got the memo on exactly how to “find themselves”. I feel like the majority of people born in December of 1976 may have got like a cheat sheet to life!
Anyway, I think someone sent it snail mail so you know, it just showed up 20 years late. #USPS for those of you too young to know, that stands for: United States Postal Service…..Ok, I am done with amateur comedian hour!
So, my real point of turmoil is that I keep evaluating EVERY SINGLE THING I SAY AND DO! Like ALL day, EVERY day, I keep bending Roger’s ear (he seriously is a great listener ^^especially for a man^^)
Randomly I will be like: I just figured out today the reason why I drive you crazy is because my mom wasn’t a good mom…..Okay, that isn’t what I say. I’m sure it was something similar though. It is clear though, to me and my husband that I have this insatiable desire to learn what it takes to be “normal” At first this meant the little house with the white picket fence, now it means finding peace. Due to my childhood it has taken a long time to realize that I deserve it. I am hoping that someone will read this and save themselves the 20 years it took me to realize that I am deserving of peace!
So it hasn’t been the best week. I mean
I’ve been sooo tired once again! Since deciding that I have anxiety which I’ve always thought of as stress they decided “hey lets put her on a new med so she can feel like shit for 4-6 MORE weeks in a hopes that we are right and the medicine WILL work! I keep hoping the day will come and they will say: “she has chronic fatigue and we will give her a magical pill (since there is one for everything) and she will have all the energy in the world! So I am convinced this may partially be the brain of an addict but we have all this being prescribed for various reasons but I’m confused on who decides which ones are controlled due to their ability to alter your state of mind? Don’t they all alter your state of mind? The point of pain medication is to tell your brain your not in pain, antidepressant to tell you that you aren’t depressed, anti-anxiety to tell your mind you aren’t anxious? While I’m on the topic, isn’t that the reason weed isn’t legal everywhere? Because it has the ability to alter your state of mind?
Top 10 prescribed medications:
Vicodin, Norco, Xodol (hydrocodone, acetaminophen) Drug class: Opioid/acetaminophen combinations. …
Synthroid, Levoxyl, Unithroid (levothyroxine) Drug class: Thyroxines. …
Delasone, Sterapred (prednisone) …
Amoxil (amoxicillin) …
Neurontin (gabapentin) …
Prinivil, Zestril (lisinopril) …
Lipitor (atorvastatin) …
Top reasons for prescribing marijuana:
Amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
A chronic or debilitating condition or its treatment that produces one or more of the following: Cachexia (wasting syndrome)
Top 10 reasons people smoke weed:
1. Marijuana as medicine.
2. For the effect of THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol), the main active chemical in marijuana.
3. To relieve the stress, anxiety, fear, pain or anger related to personal, psychological or family issues.
4. Popular culture endorses marijuana use.
5. Low perception of harm.
6. The opportunity to try marijuana presents itself.
7. Peer, family or role model influence.
8. People use marijuana because they were born with or develop certain personality dimensions, such as unconventionality, which make marijuana use non-taboo.
10. To relax.