The Book of Sunshine: Prologue

Something About Sunshine

Everyday and probably several times a day I think about writing a blog post. I can never make up my mind if I want to write about my life…. It’s certainly been eventful enough to muster up a best-seller! Or, do I want to write about whatever is on my mind at the time….I know that whatever is on my mind is always exciting enough to have everyone engaged!! So, like any great procrastinator, if you can’t decide what to do you just do nothing!!


In 1977, my mom left Kosciusko Mississippi with a very tiny me! She had no job, no money, no car and had to make it back to Central Illinois with a baby!

The man on my birth certificate isn’t my biological father (I’m not certain who is and I genuinely could care less) but my mom had 3 older children that she conceived with this peculiar man. However, he didn’t think she should take the other kids with her. The 2 of them and the children stood in the front yard, on a cold and snowy winter day, literally playing tug of war with one of my brothers!

My mom only made it back to Illinois with me. She started out hitchhiking but a good Samaritan bought her a plane ticket and we were off to Illinois!

This is where my own story loses the first 3 years because of course I can’t remember it, my mom can’t tell me because of a stroke she had several years ago AND there’s no one else around that can tell me.

So, we will just start with 3 year old Sunshine! We always lived as poor as I ever witnessed, of other kids were as poor I couldn’t tell. I realize that people had it worse but we always lived in higher crime neighborhoods, in very small apartments in broke down apartment houses.

I wanted to make sure I had my facts straight about the neighborhoods I lived in as a child so I looked them up! Well some are empty lots now but my favorite is the graphic showing all the high crime neighborhoods in dark blue and every street I lived on is in dark blue…

Have you ever read V.C. Andrews books? She is the author of Flowers in the Attack. When I was 15 years old I spent the entire summer reading books. Each book she writes is generally 1 of 5 in a series and I read 2 of her series that summer and I swore that my family must be like these folks in the books!

OK, maybe there’s a bit of an exaggeration, we didn’t live in an actual shack nor did we live in the mountains! I do remember my mom making “hobo stew” and I just assumed that meant throwing whatever you got on hand into a pot and cooking it up. As it turns out there is actually a recipe for it!

OK, OK, back to business. This is why I never get my posts published! I get to researching this that and the other thing and I get lost. So, now we know what my neighborhood looked like, what kind of food I ate and what my perception of it all was!

Although my childhood was filled with negativity such as: poverty, abuse, drugs&alcohol, mental illness and foster homes, I tend to look back on most of it with a sense of humor. I realize this may seem strange to some people but it is my own way of taking the power away from the negativity and enables me to focus on the positive moments!

Writing about my life story is important to me for a few different reasons. 1: It is important to me that I deal with my past so I can move forward. Many people may think there’s no need to “deal with your past or childhood” and I believed for the longest time that I had done a great job not letting my childhood “get to me”! Little did I know I had just become really good at compartmentalizing! 2: I hope that someone will read my story and know that they are not alone and that whatever negative feelings they are dealing with as a result of anything they have been through does not have to define them for the rest of their lives! Last but not least (I say this with a small amount of jest) Maybe one day soon this will lead me to writing a best selling novel and I’ll make lots of money!! 

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The Book of Sunshine: Introduction

(A short, ok sort of short, preview)

My early beliefs shaped so many decisions:

As a young girl I HATED my name. So much so that I always went by Sunny until I was in Junior High. Why couldn’t I have been named Kim? That was my dream name! So simple and not drawing any attention. That is the way I wanted it!11021168_10203210876383998_6864499889922935607_n

Poor People Have Poor Ways!


Causes of poverty

Poverty is an exceptionally complicated social phenomenon, and trying to discover its causes is equally complicated. The stereotypic (and simplistic) explanation persists—that the poor cause their own poverty—based on the notion that anything is possible in America. Some theorists have accused the poor of having little concern for the future and preferring to “live for the moment”; others have accused them of engaging in self‐defeating behavior. Still other theorists have characterized the poor as fatalists, resigning themselves to a culture of poverty in which nothing can be done to change their economic outcomes. In this culture of poverty—which passes from generation to generation—the poor feel negative, inferior, passive, hopeless, and powerless.The “blame the poor” perspective is stereotypic and not applicable to all of the underclass. Not only are most poor people able and willing to work hard, they do so when given the chance. The real trouble has to do with such problems as minimum wages and lack of access to the education necessary for obtaining a better‐paying job.
More recently, sociologists have focused on other theories of poverty. One theory of poverty has to do with the flight of the middle class, including employers, from the cities and into the suburbs. This has limited the opportunities for the inner‐city poor to find adequate jobs. According to another theory, the poor would rather receive welfare payments than work in demeaning positions as maids or in fast‐food restaurants. As a result of this view, the welfare system has come under increasing attack in recent years.
Again, no simple explanations for or solutions to the problem of poverty exist. Although varying theories abound, sociologists will continue to pay attention to this issue in the years to come.

https://www.cliffsnotes.com/study-guides/sociology/social-and-global-stratification/causes-and-effects-of-poverty

Roughly 14% or 40+ million Americans live below the poverty line and depending on if you are Trump (250,000 Americans live in “deep poverty”) or the UN (18.5 million Americans live in “deep poverty”) Growing up I always subscribe to the belief that “poor people have poor ways”. This is certainly a personal belief based on personal experience as well as data compiled by many theorists etc. I’ve read some very offensive versions of this belief: “poor people are the way they are because they are lazy/ don’t care/ don’t know any better”. For me it’s clear that poverty is often a life cycle. You start out poor and it can become like a habit. You start to realise or believe that you aren’t worth an education or a good job. You are often looked down upon in a way that tells you to “stay in your place”. My counselor recently stated it very well. People living in poverty often feel isolated. Poverty puts you in a box! My point to all this is that my family seems to have been plagued by some pretty messed up choices for generations and most of these choices seem to occur most often in poor families. So yes, as television will tell you: drug addiction, domestic violence and child abuse doesn’t discriminate BUT these situations are much more common to families living in poverty! 


The effects of poverty

The effects of poverty are serious. Children who grow up in poverty suffer more persistent, frequent, and severe health problems than do children who grow up under better financial circumstances.
Many infants born into poverty have a low birth weight, which is associated with many preventable mental and physical disabilities. Not only are these poor infants more likely to be irritable or sickly, they are also more likely to die before their first birthday.


Children raised in poverty tend to miss school more often because of illness. These children also have a much higher rate of accidents than do other children, and they are twice as likely to have impaired vision and hearing, iron deficiency anemia, and higher than normal levels of lead in the blood, which can impair brain 

https://www.cliffsnotes.com/study-guides/sociology/social-and-global-stratification/causes-and-effects-of-poverty

So, my point to all this carrying on is: I will start writing a collection of posts that will all be titled: The Book of Sunshine. My method has changed several times in the last few days and I already had the majority of this post completed as well as the post titled “Prologue” so I’ll officially start the story with:The Book of Sunshine: Chapter 1. I don’t believe I will have titles for each chapter yet nor do I have an exact plan for a timeline but I do have a brief outline from me being a toddler to age 16 which is actually divided up by who my mom was married to at the time. 

I’ve been trying to get to a place in my life that brings me peace! I’ve made SO much progress year to year but this year I’ve made the most progress thus far! To have peace I feel that I have to make peace with my past and as it turns out, to make peace with your past you have to process it and as it turns out that includes a much more difficult task: You have to take a long hard look at what makes you who you are AND you have to be “OK” with it OR adjust accordingly. This collection of posts are my biggest and best attempt at processing my past and because that is a work in progress so are my methods of processing!

If I could see me now


I often look back at younger Sunshine with a great amount of thoughtfulness. Often wondering if I’m making her proud! I’ve always seen actual images in my mind of how I thought living normal would look:

Every morning this “normal” family consisting of a husband and wife , 2 kids and a cat and or dog all get up, have breakfast around the table then go off to work and school and then at the end of the work/school day the parents take the kids to after school activities, return home for dinner at the table, followed by family fun, bath and bed! For years that was the standard for myself. Needless to say starting out being a teen Mom didn’t do much to help me feel normal. However, I have come to a point in life that I think my 9 year old self would be pleasantly surprised by!

The fact that I can walk out in my backyard at midnight and not be worried just amazes me! It has nothing to do with the way things are in the world right now but because I grew up so poor we never lived in a neighborhood that would have been safe to be outside at night time.

Sean Joseph Stephan

In the summer of 1992 I went to stay with my uncle. I can’t remember the exact circumstances but I am sure it had to do with one of the routine “nervous breakdowns” my mom would have. They started when I was about 9 years old (or maybe that is when I was old enough to understand what was happening) and they continued in various forms until I was 24. I don’t think I blame my mom but I always like to understand the cause of things and I believe having a parent with a mental illness certainly causes problems for the children they raise.


Statistically, children of the mentally ill have a higher chance of becoming mentally ill themselves. This is due to combination of both nature and nurture; severe mental illness has a strong genetic factor. Add to that the stress and chaos of being raised by a severely mentally ill parent, or the child being passed around to foster parents or group homes, and it creates the perfect storm for developing any number of mood disorders, behavioral problems, and juvenile delinquency, let alone the increased possibility of the onset of a neurological disorders such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. These conditions can lead the child to a life of illness, poverty, crime, and self-destruction.

Marc E. Fitch is the author of “Shmexperts: How Power Politics and Ideology are Disguised as Science,” and several novels. He works as a journalist at The Yankee Institute for Public Policy and lives in Connecticut with his wife, four children and three goats.


At any rate, my uncle lived in a small town and during their homecoming weekend I got pregnant. I specifically recall knowing that I wanted to grow up and go to college because that would be my only way out of a life of perpetual poverty. Point being, my need for love, attention and acceptance outweighed any common sense I had by 15 years of age. I moved back in with my mom and attended pregnant teenager school and worked at “Mr. Donut”. Having my own paycheck was like freedom!! I loved the idea of getting up everyday, going to work and earning my own income.

I’ve told the kids and maybe everyone that when i was 15 weeks along with my first son (and every kid) I heard his heartbeat for the first time and I fell in love right away. i feel like this euphoria we feel is a trick to suck us in to loving the little weasels no matter what!! So of course this worked right away for Sean, big blue eyes and great big dimples!! All the nurses just loved him!! Little did I know that was a sign of what was to come!!

There could be an entire novel just about Sean. It started around 4 weeks old. He would scream non stop and the only thing to quiet him would be putting him in the swing and turn on Care Bears really loud. We tease him about that until this day!!

At 2 years old he started banging his head on the floor when he was mad, I took him to the pediatrician who proceeded to tell me “I’m glad you brought him in so we can get this documented before someone calls DCFS. I was thinking “where have I gone wrong as a parent? Until this day I genuinely ask myself that question. I started getting calls from schools about behaviors in Kindergarten. At this time he was barely sleeping 5 hours a night! He was also displaying violent behaviors toward his brother. The first pediatrician tried him on medication that made his behaviors worse. From that point until Kindergarten we were barely making it!! So at 5 years old he had to be hospitalized because this pediatrician said: if you don’t put him in the hospital to be evaluated then I can’t be held accountable for what he may do next. So we put him in the hospital, put him on a regimen of medicine that seemed to really help him. As he got older though he would lose his temper at school quickly.  It never stopped, clear up to his freshman year in high school when he dropped out.

As they mature, children of teen mothers must still overcome many obstacles. For example, boys born to mothers under the age of 19 are 13 percent more likely to be incarcerated at some point in their lives. Daughters of teen moms are over 20 percent more likely to have their own children at a young age. Children of both sexes have lower standardized test scores and are less likely to earn their high school diplomas.

Statistics on Teen Pregnancy

Vilma Ruddock

Not only did I genuinely feel that I was failing him but as a mother you do have a certain standard you believe, hope, pray and at some point beg that your children will live up to. I knew that I wasn’t going to let one of my kids go down the drain!! By the time Sean made it to high school, in spite of my desperate attempts, he seemed to have lost his way.

Don’t get me wrong, until this day I still desperately try to get and keep him on track. After leaving the traditional high school setting Sean attended a school for kids like him……which just means he attended classes with other boys with the same behavioral issues. This quickly ended in him being suspended for 10 days meaning he couldn’t take driver’s education.

At this point he already was “in love with girls” and girls were “in love with him”.  I specifically remember coming home from work one day and there was a group of 6+ girls walking up the road toward the house and there was Sean smack dab in the middle.

One girl apparently stood out more than the rest: Caitlyn. I immediately talked to the both of them about the importance of protected sex and birth control. I told Caitlyn she had a week to get on birth control or I was taking her. So about 10 days later I took her to planned parenthood and apparently at that time she was already pregnant but we didn’t know. A month later I was on the 2nd half of a double shift (I was only 32) and I received a call from Sean with Caitlyn on the phone as well. I’ll never forget, I’m on the hall, passing meds, standing at my cart, phone up to my ear: “Mom we took 3 different pregnancy tests and they are all positive”. Since I’ve had tons of calls from Sean over the years that seem like emergencies and weren’t I managed to remain calm and tell them “Ok, we will worry about it when I get home”.

After 3 days of being in complete shock to the point that I couldn’t talk to anyone, we embraced the truth and 9 months later came: Skylar Henry Lee Boliard!! AKA: My Little Lover Man!!

Sean is now 25 years old with 2 daughters in addition!

I’d love to tell everyone after years of trouble with the law that Sean has it all together but I can say that for the first time I can remember he has put himself in a healthier situation and so that gives me much encouragement!!

Daydreaming

In comparison to me my husband is very outgoing!! In his career (10+ years in sales 10 years owning his own business) he has to put himself “out there” daily. He is constantly having to”sell himself” and he genuinely does a good job of it! I feel that these same personality traits are the ones that allow him to vividly tell me stories that involve our lives taking a turn for the better whether it’s small and temporary or on a large long term scale. I honestly wish I could be in his world. It appears to be so wonderful and magical to someone like me: Quiet, (unless you mess with my loved ones, I had several disputes with teachers and MDs when my kids were young) shy, paralyzed with fear of rejection……

However, if I were to allow myself to daydream I think it would look like this:

That looks like a great life to me! Old house out in the country with Edgar the Super Bestest Pig Ever, his sidekick Cat Buddy Jerry, a few rescue pigs, lots of Sunflowers and then inspirational/serene walks! The reason why I bring all this up is: I feel that many people (like my husband) are genuinely able to see themselves doing whatever it is that they want to do and some how that enables them to move/propel themselves in that direction.

Nearly everyday I go over the same things in my head: What can I do today to make my life better? After coming up with most of the same answers as the day before, I start reading up on whatever will motivate me, work on my blog, or marketing our family business or developing an online store and then as the day goes on I talk myself out of any move that would actually bring some results! I have this ever present fear of failure, brought on by an ever present fear of people judging me negatively, brought on by an ever present fear of feeling shame/embarrassment which after years of therapy, reading and recently blogging I know stems from childhood……

I am the blond, naturally, being silly every chance I got! Looking at these pictures I realize a few things: 1. When I think back my memories always have a dark cloud hovering, by this time I had already had many days of witnessing abuse which at one point resulted in my jaw being broke when I fell off the side of a bed as well as many days of going without many of the things we all take for granted on a daily basis: attention from our parents, food, a safe home etc 2. I was 6 in the pic with the dress. In a year’s time my mom had left the man I thought was my Dad, moved into a women’s shelter, met a man, moved in with him and this is their wedding day. The picture with me sticking my tongue out, I am 9. By this time my mom left the last husband, I’ve experienced abuse more than once, my mom has met a new man that she has married and he has lost his job within a year so we are living in poverty and I am no longer oblivious to how bad life is. 3. Discussing the above memories is something I rarely if ever do!

Long-Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect – Child Welfare Information Gateway

The impact of child abuse and neglect
is often discussed in terms of physical,
psychological, behavioral, and societal
consequences. In reality, however, it
is impossible to separate the types of
impacts. Physical consequences, such as
damage to a child’s growing brain, can
have psychological implications, such as
cognitive delays or emotional difficulties.
Psychological problems often manifest as
high-risk behaviors. Depression and anxiety,
for example, may make a person more likely
to smoke, abuse alcohol or drugs, or overeat.
High-risk behaviors, in turn, can lead to
long-term physical health problems, such
as sexually transmitted diseases, cancer, and
obesity.

Suggested Citation: Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2013). Long-term consequences of child abuse and neglect. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s Bureau.

Pulling The Trigger

I have no idea what I’m afraid of….. Wait that’s a lie after years of counseling I do know what I’m afraid of…. Failure!! I spend an unbelievable amount of time online everyday researching various things I want to do or need to do and yet I still don’t do the final step to get whatever “it” is going. Among a few issues that I have that my husband does not , difficulty pulling the trigger is high on the list. He is so sweet and loving and tries to get me over the hump but he has no fear of failure or rejection. He does not realize that it is actually paralyzing. I like to announce that I’m going to do things that I don’t want to do in hopes that someone will help me enforce it LOL. Yesterday I said I’m going to do two things that I don’t want to do & I am going to get them done by the end of the day. So, at the top of my “pulling the trigger list”

1: link my blog to FB

This may seem very obvious to some but I’m so scared of being judged that I just won’t do it.

2: publish the new FB page I made for at home care for seniors

I am more than qualified for this and I clearly have to pay my bills so I’m not sure the exact Fear Factor here.

3: create a website for the above-mentioned business and or add a page to this website. 3 1/2: Nor have I putting to place any of the other 25 things that I’ve researched over the last three years for making money at home and or online.

Whatever my reasoning is for not getting it done is surely directly related to the reason for number 2.

In true Sunshine fashion I have done several hours of research on pulling the trigger or lack thereof. I am a very good procrastinator so I’m sure that has something to do with it. I do lack self-discipline although I do not like determination. I am terrible at forming new habits, again this is not something my husband can relate to. I drive him crazy because I don’t shut the door, I don’t shut off the light, I don’t shut cabinet doors and I don’t put my stuff in the same place every time. I’ve put a lot of thought into this one and I’m pretty sure that it’s directly related to the hierarchy of needs. Growing up the daily worries were will I have a light to shut off or a door to shut. I certainly never worried about putting things in the same place every time!

I do try to get to a resolution by the end of my post but I just don’t have one for this.

The Fine Folks of F. City

I am beyond furious and due to a complete lack of ability to change current events, I am going to blog about a personal event going on with my family. Typically I wouldn’t really be ready/willing to post about this but I have to get out my overwhelming frustration somewhere, somehow.

1: My son is currently in the Piatt county jail in Monticello, IL. He just got out of prison about 2 years ago and completed parole a couple of months ago. Then he was arrested for supposedly making someone else  commit a crime. Apparently the states attorney has come to the conclusion that they do not have enough evidence to charge him but they are probably going to let him sit there throughout November and December.

2: Today I went to visit my son and the police chief showed up to take my phone because I supposedly threatened my daughter in law about testifying against my son. I in no way buy into conspiracy theories but this is at least the 3rd time the F.C. police department has wreaked havoc on my family.

3: I’ve reached out time and again to get help for my son before life got any worse for him and he is the very reason why I am so passionate about advocating for mentally ill, those in poverty and the terrible treatment going on in all American Jails and Prisons! Everyone thinks that since it is America that our prisons must be forward thinking but they absolutely are not!

For sh*ts and giggles I am posting the conversation between myself and my “daughter in law” so folks can judge for themselves!! I have to preface this with a couple of disclosures: 1. I was using speak to text 2. I can’t explain why Chealsie talks the way she does.

I do not know why you’re avoiding or ignoring me but Sean said to come see him in DeWitt County tonight I think he has court Monday the 6th although I guess you know that because you have to testify that day.

Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay yeah I do he was going to put me in jail when I had nothing to do with it and my kids come before your son… and no I was not my phone got dropped in water so I have to use my mom’s phone to get on anything and I was at work
Sunshine
First of all they were lying to you Chelsea but I guess you didn’t understand that and my grandchildren and my son are important thank you very much
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay well ur son was trying to send me to jail and I had nothing to do with it cuz he didn’t want to put his brother In jail fuck that… he talks about my sister being a bitch and don’t trust her but he will throw me In jail for nothing
But I will go see him sunfau
Sunshine
What are you talking about he’s trying to put you in jail? When did Sean try to put you in jail he told me the entire time not to be mad at you because you have to do what’s right for you and the kids
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay well then why are u trying to come at me crazy then… I love him and do what I have to this time but everyone got to lay off me about shot I have to do for my babys…. but seanna been asking about coming to stay with u
Sunshine
Chelsea you can’t just make stuff up like that we are talking about the life of someone I gave birth to so he is very very very very important to me and it’s a huge deal to say that he’s trying to put you in jail because that never ever happen! And I don’t know what you’re talking about coming at you crazy all I said is I guess you know that he has court is that not a fact?
Sunshine
The attorney told you that you didn’t have to make a statement to the cops you chose to do that because Farmer City cops are liars but it doesn’t matter because it will all be taken care of in court
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
He said that tho
Okay how do u no what they are going to ask
Sunshine
Who said what? I know what will be asked because I talked to the lawyer
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay so what will be ask then
And seanna wants to stay with u sumtime
Sunshine
I understand about Shawna Sean would like to see her as well. And I don’t know what you mean what is the state’s attorney going to ask for the public defender?
😠1
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay well seanna is going up there to see him Sunday but she is not coming with me on the 6th
Sunshine
Why is it that you always avoid me or ignore me or change your Facebook or run off or what have you every time Sean goes to jail but you guys been together 8 years if you don’t want to be with him when he’s in jail why don’t you just break up with him all together I’m so confused either you love him or you don’t
Sunshine
I’m saying did the State’s Attorney’s office tell you that you would be in trouble if you didn’t make a statement or did the police department tell you you would be in trouble if you did make a statement?
Because the attorney will ask you when you’re on the stand if you were promised anything for your statement such as not getting in trouble
When I went to see Sean on Sunday he had absolutely no idea that he had court as soon as November 6th that’s what I don’t understand
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Wtf are u taking about I moved back to get my god damn job back so I did and now am getting my apt and shit looking up for me why is that every time he is in jail everything works out for my life and I do love sean I will always love sean why is it that you don’t have shit to do with my kids but all about katilyns kids why do I have to say something to u about them or sean why can u ever call me and tell me your coming to get her but I love him and going to do what’s right this time
Sunshine
It has nothing to do with your kids Chelsea right now I can’t be around you I can’t separate my feelings so please stop digging at me can you not understand Shawn is my son?
Sean*
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
I do understand do u understand that am doing what’s best for my kids
Sunshine
And I haven’t seen any rain kid in over 2 months so please stop feeling sorry for yourself. I feel bad enough as it is
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
I don’t feel sorry for my self am happy and don’t need this dream ass shit do i no your son did what he did now him and that is not my damn fault that your SON fucked up again I was at work I told him plz don’t and left for work the rest was on him
Sunshine
Chelsea Sean didn’t do s*** first of all but clearly you don’t have a clue what love is because love has absolutely no ending probation jail kids grandkids. The difference between you and Sean is he would be your ride or die you would never be his. Really I’m done with the conversation it’s none of my business it’s between you and Sean I just wanted to let you know that he wanted to see you and the babies and that he loves you and I pray to God that your statement doesn’t count for anything.
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Bye now
And sean did do something but believe what u want am not going down for no one when i had nothing to do with the tucked up shit
Sunshine
Sean did not physically do anything there’s absolutely no evidence to that so you can say you heard this before he said that but that doesn’t mean he did anything chealsie
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Bye now
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Nd the only time u guys talk to him on the regular is when he Is In jail like that’s the only time u talk to him on the regular… like i hate fighting with u but this not getting push on me I no I didn’t do shit wrong and no one on this world is going to make me fill any diff… but I will always and forever love sean nd you but this fighting shit has to stop
Sunshine
Do not ever message me again about when I do and do not talk to my son
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Tenor GIF Keyboard
Sunshine
You will just talk about not arguing and then you send some child ass s*** like that
Sean avoids me when he’s not doing right it has nothing to do with when I talk to him
Just please leave me alone chealsie
sunshinerayfegett@wordpress

“Money Doesn’t Buy Happiness”

I would venture to guess that the person that came up with “money doesn’t buy happiness” never had money troubles. It has been my experience that although Happiness isn’t in a bottle for us to run out and buy, being broke makes for a much more miserable existence than not being broke.

Anyone that knows me at all knows that I’m not high maintenance (financially that is). I love to pay my bills, have food in the fridge, buy things for the house and for my family. If/when I don’t have money for these very basic things than I become  very anxious and irritable and difficult to contend with.

I grew up with next to nothing and I have been working ever since I was 16. I’ve never been the one to call in to work. First of all my conscience wouldn’t allow it and secondly neither would my bills. After graduating from nursing school in 2005 I’ve had a handful of nursing jobs and I can guarantee that I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve called in. Not only are my residents and coworkers that important to me, so is my paycheck.

I’m always trying to come up with ways to find financial stability!  I keep thinking that one day soon I will write a book about my life and it will be a best seller and we will have all the money we need! Of course until then, I’ll continue to huff and puff during the times that funds are low!

They say finances are one of the top problems for couples. I can certainly attest to this. With the kids all over 18 with jobs, the only thing left for Rog and I to argue about is money! When he has plenty of work , with me working full time we do fine. (everyone and everything is Happy Happy) During the times that isn’t the case than everyone should stand clear! That alone proves that money DOES buy happiness!

Shame isn’t a must

http://drmargaretrutherford.com/the-shame-no-one-talks-about-in-sexual-abuse/

Thttp://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/abuse

There are so many great blogs/articles that cover/explain the shame associated with childhood abuse. I will try to create links to them because I think the single worst cruelty to occur to an abuse victim is the feeling of shame. Shame leads to so many other negative thoughts and feelings about our self worth that it creates a terrible downhill spiral for victims.

The truth is that the abuser robs us and in my opinion they win if we feel shame, guilt, self doubt and/or feel that we have to keep it all a secret or else others will look down on us.

Just like depression is a dirty word so is: victim, rape , domestic violence, addiction and/or any other form of abuse. If we could find a way to change the way we look at these words, these people, looking at them like they aren’t poor pathetic soles may  help to encourage them to behave in a new way: they may feel as though they are : “normal, confident, smart, assertive and so on. Everyone should own their own feelings, but we could all do our part in lessening the stigma associated with survivors of abuse!!

If someone that you know or love has been abused, please do what you can to help them feel empowered!! It may be a challenge at first but it is worth it!!

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