Potbelly Pigs, Portugal, pills, poverty and prison

POTBELLY PIGS:This is really just a terrible ploy to draw attention to my amazing Potbelly Pigs: Edgar & Esmeralda! Actually I just wanted to point out that they have saved me from certain doom and gloom over the last year! If it were not for having them it would have been much more difficult to get up for “addiction Tuesdays” at the same time as I was adjusting to “empty nest/nesting”!?!?

Portugal & Pills:

Seriously though, in 2001 Portugal decriminalized drugs…… Crazy right!?!? I’m sure many people thought this would create mass chaos! Well quite the opposite:

 

Which brings me to:Poverty & Prison:

I thought this article was brilliant! Then I started discussing it with my children who have certainly witnessed how lower socio economic status = prison after watching their brother be sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison yesterday! The states attorney and judge rambled off a list of unpaid fines and financially motivated non violent crimes claiming this was proof that he didn’t deserve to have probation reinstated over a technical violation. At any rate, my kids thought some may find the article offensive. I think they took the article to mean that they were discrediting the clear role that race places in the criminal justice system. However, in my mind it stated what I knew all along, that many people living in poverty are more likely to have trouble with the criminal justice system than those who don’t. Additionally, this still draws a clear connection to minorities because they are more likely to live in poverty due to barriers that are clearly racially motivated.

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Addiction Tuesdays “The Opposite of Addiction is Connection”

As I shared in the original post: Addiction Tuesdays, I go to group counseling every Tuesday as well as single/private counseling. The group is called connections and although we have watched videos on connections and had little assignments based on connections AND my (common sense understanding of connections) I still didn’t quite understand the premise behnd Connections.

Although I consider myself an empathetic person (even the strength finders test says so) I still carry the old school mentallity that you can’t fix anything making excuses. Because of this I had a hard time understanding how all this touchy feely connections business would help every addict through recovery. I wanted to prove the old school thought wrong so I looked up the basis for this Connections school of thought and that is when I found out about :

The Rat Park, a study conducted by Bruce K. Alexander, in an edited synopsis original studies in addiction had (I’m going to call them mice because it’s a much cuter name) mice in individual boxes with regular water and drug infused water, the mice continuously chose the drug infused water but once the study was change to include a “Rat Heaven” where the mice could play freely, make babies and raise families they would completely ignore the drug infused water! So in a nutshell, they realized social mice/people need healthy connections!

Here I thought I had come to some fabulous realization about addiction and revovery! I even went to counseling and enthuisiastically regurgatated what I could remember about the “Rat Park”. Ahead of this appt for the first time I answered a list of questions called “The ACE test”: Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Today I started to do a little more research that said: wait a minute, we can’t just base addiction treatment on happy mice! (of course I was devestated because although rationally I knew it sounded to simple, I still wanted to believe it) The updated research went on to say that 60% of Americans have at least 1 adverse childhood experience and 25% have experienced at least 3. People with an ACE score of 5 or higher are up to ten times more likely to experience addiction. Of course my score was 8. Typically I would slide a joke in right here but I’ll behave!

So really this all tells me what I already know

I have to process my childhood trauma to really move forward…..blah blah blah

Illinois Nursing Board

This is my response to the nursing board and their “recommendations”

Sunshine Fegett1:13 PM (3 minutes ago)
to Beth

For some reason I did not realize that I only had 14 days to respond to this email. I also can’t understand why the email came 3 months after the conference call. I haven’t worked as a nurse in 8 months. There is no food in my fridge, my checking account is overdrawn $600 and my mortgage payment is 2 months behind! I am floored that the stipulations are so stringent! They aren’t even reasonable. I don’t have hundreds of dollars to spend on special extra evaluations and testing. I’ve been doing everything I am suppose to, seeing an addiction specialist, going to counseling, single and group every week and monthly drug testing. There are so many nurses in the program! How are these archaic rules helping the healthcare profession or the public! Is the Illinois Nursing Board not aware that addiction is a disease or that there is an opiate epidemic occurring nation wide? Wouldn’t it make much more sense to assist healthcare professionals in avoiding situations that make their lives worse such as spending $2000 on an attorney in addition to court fines and monthly supervision fees!?!? All this in addition to taking away their only means to making a living? No one gave any thought to the 12 years I worked in LTC and did a good job. No one spoke with the residents and family members at Imboden Creek that are still asking about me daily!! No one has paid attention to the fact that I gave my everything to my residents, working extra shifts and hours, NEVER calling in sick as to not leave the facility short or my coworkers short. No one stops to think about the REAL issues in LTC: 1 nurse administering medication twice in 8 hours to 29-50 residents or 1 CNA unable to give individualized attention to residents that worked their entire lives just to be stuck in a tiny room with a person they don’t know and having to beg to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water!!!! Resident’s climbing out of bed because they just can’t wait another minute to go to the bathroom, trip, fall and fracturing a hip! I am currently attending Millikin University to obtain a bachelors in Organizational Leadership. It is my plan, hope, prayer that this will enable me to make a difference in the lives of the aging population because as a nurse (at least an LPN in LTC) your hands are tied by the rule makers who the majority have no idea what real life is like working in a nursing home! I mean no disrespect whatsoever and I’m sure my license will be suspended indefinitely since my response is a week late but I could not agree to the terms either way.                                                                                                                     Thank You, Sunshine Fegett

All in a week

I don’t know if I’ll ever post this but I’m writing it anyway. For the last 4 years I’ve been taking¬† prescription medication. I’ve tried to wean myself off. Last week I became so sick from a virus that I couldn’t get out of bed so I thought it would be a good time to try again! So last Wednesday I started titrating down (I’m in no way suggesting that this is the best way for anyone else to do this) and last night was the very last of the very last. I sweat and then I’m cold, back and forth, back and forth. I took my Wellbutrin and Buspar last night along with melatonin and I slept from midnight until 8am without my legs becoming restless which is amazing. However I couldn’t get out of bed until noon because I was still so tired and cold! Thank God for Edgar!

He keeps me going no matter what and if course my ever patient husband

They keep me in good spirits and faith keeps me strong. So being sick and tapering off “unnecessary” medication isn’t enough so mother nature made her appearance (my opinion about this is in a post: thank you Eve), my oldest son had been arrested the week before for a FTA (failure to appear) and was released on the same Wednesday as above (8/15/18) which could have been a good thing but that’s a whole post by itself.

So during this week 8/15-8/22 I’ve been trying to get things in order to start school (first class was Monday and thankfully it’s only 1 day a week) today I wake up and check the mail and find a letter saying my financial aid wasn’t processed because they were lacking documentation! Documentation I sent in last week during my misery

So I called and the person they told me to send the documentation to hadn’t even been in and had 45 emails she hasn’t gone through. They claim however that they will get it worked out!

Last but certainly not least it occurred to me that the reoccurring issue that I’m constantly running from is my childhood. The abuse that I haven’t addressed is holding me back. So yesterday I made an appt with growing strong sexual assault center that’s set for today at 2pm.

Soooooo that’s my week in a nutshell!

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