Zachuery aka Zachariah aka Pooky Wooky

October 19, 1994 (2 weeks after my due date, 1 day after a failed attempt at inducing labor and 4-6 hours after the Dr assisted my water breaking) came my 2nd bouncing baby boy!

The next day we took him home and unlike his older brother he started sleeping 4+ hours at night within the first couple of weeks. He was such a calm baby (especially in contrast to his brother) that I called the pediatrician concerned something was wrong! After a handful of questions the pediatrician assured me that Zach was just fine and just a good sleeping baby!

I’ve mentioned this in a past post but I like to remind my kids that they are so smart and healthy because I breast fed all of them and Zachuery for the longest. I’m sure there is a direct correlation to his good health and generally good decision making!

As the boys were growing up we always told them Zach would be president and his older brother Sean would be his bodyguard. That’s not quite how things have turned out but it gives you a feel for their personalities.

Zach did great in school and starting in 5th grade (due to his distain for daycare) he started watching his little sisters before and after school. He was always so responsible and fairly meticulous. We realized at one point that he had been folding his dirty clothes and when we would eat out everyone would be done eating but Zach would just be done cutting his food into perfectly even pieces!!

A review of over 200 birth order studies found that middles are characterized as sociable, more faithful in monogamous relationships, and have the fewest “acting out” problems…..

However, if events would have been different then I would not have spent this summer with the newest born love of my life…..Zachs’ daughter : Rima

Unfortunately in September Rimas’ mother came and took her to Texas and will not allow us to see her or talk to her. Zach and her mother were never married so at this point he has no legal rights. However, I have quickly become a legal self help guru as a result and I have begun filing the necessary paperwork to get into court and establish paternity and custody/visitation. We do not have lots of money for an attorney but we are going Monday for a free consultation! In the meanwhile we are keeping busy using our missing her as motivation to work hard on getting her back in our lives!!

Sean Joseph Stephan

In the summer of 1992 I went to stay with my uncle. I can’t remember the exact circumstances but I am sure it had to do with one of the routine “nervous breakdowns” my mom would have. They started when I was about 9 years old (or maybe that is when I was old enough to understand what was happening) and they continued in various forms until I was 24. I don’t think I blame my mom but I always like to understand the cause of things and I believe having a parent with a mental illness certainly causes problems for the children they raise.

Statistically, children of the mentally ill have a higher chance of becoming mentally ill themselves. This is due to combination of both nature and nurture; severe mental illness has a strong genetic factor. Add to that the stress and chaos of being raised by a severely mentally ill parent, or the child being passed around to foster parents or group homes, and it creates the perfect storm for developing any number of mood disorders, behavioral problems, and juvenile delinquency, let alone the increased possibility of the onset of a neurological disorders such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. These conditions can lead the child to a life of illness, poverty, crime, and self-destruction.

Marc E. Fitch is the author of “Shmexperts: How Power Politics and Ideology are Disguised as Science,” and several novels. He works as a journalist at The Yankee Institute for Public Policy and lives in Connecticut with his wife, four children and three goats.

At any rate, my uncle lived in a small town and during their homecoming weekend I got pregnant. I specifically recall knowing that I wanted to grow up and go to college because that would be my only way out of a life of perpetual poverty. Point being, my need for love, attention and acceptance outweighed any common sense I had by 15 years of age. I moved back in with my mom and attended pregnant teenager school and worked at “Mr. Donut”. Having my own paycheck was like freedom!! I loved the idea of getting up everyday, going to work and earning my own income.

I’ve told the kids and maybe everyone that when i was 15 weeks along with my first son (and every kid) I heard his heartbeat for the first time and I fell in love right away. i feel like this euphoria we feel is a trick to suck us in to loving the little weasels no matter what!! So of course this worked right away for Sean, big blue eyes and great big dimples!! All the nurses just loved him!! Little did I know that was a sign of what was to come!!

There could be an entire novel just about Sean. It started around 4 weeks old. He would scream non stop and the only thing to quiet him would be putting him in the swing and turn on Care Bears really loud. We tease him about that until this day!!

At 2 years old he started banging his head on the floor when he was mad, I took him to the pediatrician who proceeded to tell me “I’m glad you brought him in so we can get this documented before someone calls DCFS. I was thinking “where have I gone wrong as a parent? Until this day I genuinely ask myself that question. I started getting calls from schools about behaviors in Kindergarten. At this time he was barely sleeping 5 hours a night! He was also displaying violent behaviors toward his brother. The first pediatrician tried him on medication that made his behaviors worse. From that point until Kindergarten we were barely making it!! So at 5 years old he had to be hospitalized because this pediatrician said: if you don’t put him in the hospital to be evaluated then I can’t be held accountable for what he may do next. So we put him in the hospital, put him on a regimen of medicine that seemed to really help him. As he got older though he would lose his temper at school quickly.  It never stopped, clear up to his freshman year in high school when he dropped out.

As they mature, children of teen mothers must still overcome many obstacles. For example, boys born to mothers under the age of 19 are 13 percent more likely to be incarcerated at some point in their lives. Daughters of teen moms are over 20 percent more likely to have their own children at a young age. Children of both sexes have lower standardized test scores and are less likely to earn their high school diplomas.

Statistics on Teen Pregnancy

Vilma Ruddock

Not only did I genuinely feel that I was failing him but as a mother you do have a certain standard you believe, hope, pray and at some point beg that your children will live up to. I knew that I wasn’t going to let one of my kids go down the drain!! By the time Sean made it to high school, in spite of my desperate attempts, he seemed to have lost his way.

Don’t get me wrong, until this day I still desperately try to get and keep him on track. After leaving the traditional high school setting Sean attended a school for kids like him……which just means he attended classes with other boys with the same behavioral issues. This quickly ended in him being suspended for 10 days meaning he couldn’t take driver’s education.

At this point he already was “in love with girls” and girls were “in love with him”.  I specifically remember coming home from work one day and there was a group of 6+ girls walking up the road toward the house and there was Sean smack dab in the middle.

One girl apparently stood out more than the rest: Caitlyn. I immediately talked to the both of them about the importance of protected sex and birth control. I told Caitlyn she had a week to get on birth control or I was taking her. So about 10 days later I took her to planned parenthood and apparently at that time she was already pregnant but we didn’t know. A month later I was on the 2nd half of a double shift (I was only 32) and I received a call from Sean with Caitlyn on the phone as well. I’ll never forget, I’m on the hall, passing meds, standing at my cart, phone up to my ear: “Mom we took 3 different pregnancy tests and they are all positive”. Since I’ve had tons of calls from Sean over the years that seem like emergencies and weren’t I managed to remain calm and tell them “Ok, we will worry about it when I get home”.

After 3 days of being in complete shock to the point that I couldn’t talk to anyone, we embraced the truth and 9 months later came: Skylar Henry Lee Boliard!! AKA: My Little Lover Man!!

Sean is now 25 years old with 2 daughters in addition!

I’d love to tell everyone after years of trouble with the law that Sean has it all together but I can say that for the first time I can remember he has put himself in a healthier situation and so that gives me much encouragement!!

Depression, medication & The Holidays

I always feel inadequate at Christmas time. There hasn’t been a Christmas that I didn’t feel as though I did not provide enough for my children….well wait….there was a Christmas that a large lump sum of money was received and a large amount of that spent on gifts.

I realize the meaning of Christmas has nothing to do with gifts! My kids in no way have ever been ungrateful at Christmas time either. I just spent so many years as a single parent and because I hardly ever had disposable income throughout the year at Christmas time and tax time is when the kids got a lot of what they needed for the year and a few things they wanted.


This is the first year we’re having Christmas with NO kids currently living in the house. For some reason, probably my only partially medicated depressed brain, I still feel the same or more pressure to have plenty of gifts. There isn’t an exact number of gifts that I’m trying to reach but once I get them all out, as I did last night, I immediately see that it isn’t enough for : kids, grand kids , grand kids by association (no less important) and “daughter in laws” .

At any rate, before my partial medicine refill I found out the nurse practitioner I was seeing has left the Dr. office. So of course I have been dragging my feet until the very end of my meds. I am still going to the “poor people clinic” (I say that affectionately) Even though I pay lots of money every pay period for insurance. In my defense I have called around a few times to find a primary physician and there are very few well so far none taking new patients.

So I feel as though I am rambling but I guess since it is my blog I can ramble but I don’t want to bore my 2 faithful readers, ha ha.

Yesterday I was going along in the Christmas spirit, getting things ready (I am picturing myself walking throughout the house in my ugly Christmas sweater that I don’t own, whistling Christmas songs even though I can’t whistle) for Christmas eve which is when we have our dinner and gifts. Then I get a call from my son (he is in county jail which I discussed in the post: The fine folks of F. City) and he tells me that although one county granted an OR another county filed 4 new charges that he is harassing a witness. Naturally he is in a small town so there is no open dates for jury trial until April!!!! So now my little heart is re broken just in time for the holidays!! So everything will have to get done with the weight of the world on my shoulders, a black cloud looming over my head, and the feeling of impending doom. You know, the usual (it would have sounded way cooler to abbreviate usual but who the hell knows how that is spelled, =) )

Ok 2 readers (hi mom) I am off and running………..slowly


The Fine Folks of F. City

I am beyond furious and due to a complete lack of ability to change current events, I am going to blog about a personal event going on with my family. Typically I wouldn’t really be ready/willing to post about this but I have to get out my overwhelming frustration somewhere, somehow.

1: My son is currently in the Piatt county jail in Monticello, IL. He just got out of prison about 2 years ago and completed parole a couple of months ago. Then he was arrested for supposedly making someone else  commit a crime. Apparently the states attorney has come to the conclusion that they do not have enough evidence to charge him but they are probably going to let him sit there throughout November and December.

2: Today I went to visit my son and the police chief showed up to take my phone because I supposedly threatened my daughter in law about testifying against my son. I in no way buy into conspiracy theories but this is at least the 3rd time the F.C. police department has wreaked havoc on my family.

3: I’ve reached out time and again to get help for my son before life got any worse for him and he is the very reason why I am so passionate about advocating for mentally ill, those in poverty and the terrible treatment going on in all American Jails and Prisons! Everyone thinks that since it is America that our prisons must be forward thinking but they absolutely are not!

For sh*ts and giggles I am posting the conversation between myself and my “daughter in law” so folks can judge for themselves!! I have to preface this with a couple of disclosures: 1. I was using speak to text 2. I can’t explain why Chealsie talks the way she does.

I do not know why you’re avoiding or ignoring me but Sean said to come see him in DeWitt County tonight I think he has court Monday the 6th although I guess you know that because you have to testify that day.

Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay yeah I do he was going to put me in jail when I had nothing to do with it and my kids come before your son… and no I was not my phone got dropped in water so I have to use my mom’s phone to get on anything and I was at work
First of all they were lying to you Chelsea but I guess you didn’t understand that and my grandchildren and my son are important thank you very much
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay well ur son was trying to send me to jail and I had nothing to do with it cuz he didn’t want to put his brother In jail fuck that… he talks about my sister being a bitch and don’t trust her but he will throw me In jail for nothing
But I will go see him sunfau
What are you talking about he’s trying to put you in jail? When did Sean try to put you in jail he told me the entire time not to be mad at you because you have to do what’s right for you and the kids
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay well then why are u trying to come at me crazy then… I love him and do what I have to this time but everyone got to lay off me about shot I have to do for my babys…. but seanna been asking about coming to stay with u
Chelsea you can’t just make stuff up like that we are talking about the life of someone I gave birth to so he is very very very very important to me and it’s a huge deal to say that he’s trying to put you in jail because that never ever happen! And I don’t know what you’re talking about coming at you crazy all I said is I guess you know that he has court is that not a fact?
The attorney told you that you didn’t have to make a statement to the cops you chose to do that because Farmer City cops are liars but it doesn’t matter because it will all be taken care of in court
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
He said that tho
Okay how do u no what they are going to ask
Who said what? I know what will be asked because I talked to the lawyer
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay so what will be ask then
And seanna wants to stay with u sumtime
I understand about Shawna Sean would like to see her as well. And I don’t know what you mean what is the state’s attorney going to ask for the public defender?
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Okay well seanna is going up there to see him Sunday but she is not coming with me on the 6th
Why is it that you always avoid me or ignore me or change your Facebook or run off or what have you every time Sean goes to jail but you guys been together 8 years if you don’t want to be with him when he’s in jail why don’t you just break up with him all together I’m so confused either you love him or you don’t
I’m saying did the State’s Attorney’s office tell you that you would be in trouble if you didn’t make a statement or did the police department tell you you would be in trouble if you did make a statement?
Because the attorney will ask you when you’re on the stand if you were promised anything for your statement such as not getting in trouble
When I went to see Sean on Sunday he had absolutely no idea that he had court as soon as November 6th that’s what I don’t understand
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Wtf are u taking about I moved back to get my god damn job back so I did and now am getting my apt and shit looking up for me why is that every time he is in jail everything works out for my life and I do love sean I will always love sean why is it that you don’t have shit to do with my kids but all about katilyns kids why do I have to say something to u about them or sean why can u ever call me and tell me your coming to get her but I love him and going to do what’s right this time
It has nothing to do with your kids Chelsea right now I can’t be around you I can’t separate my feelings so please stop digging at me can you not understand Shawn is my son?
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
I do understand do u understand that am doing what’s best for my kids
And I haven’t seen any rain kid in over 2 months so please stop feeling sorry for yourself. I feel bad enough as it is
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
I don’t feel sorry for my self am happy and don’t need this dream ass shit do i no your son did what he did now him and that is not my damn fault that your SON fucked up again I was at work I told him plz don’t and left for work the rest was on him
Chelsea Sean didn’t do s*** first of all but clearly you don’t have a clue what love is because love has absolutely no ending probation jail kids grandkids. The difference between you and Sean is he would be your ride or die you would never be his. Really I’m done with the conversation it’s none of my business it’s between you and Sean I just wanted to let you know that he wanted to see you and the babies and that he loves you and I pray to God that your statement doesn’t count for anything.
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Bye now
And sean did do something but believe what u want am not going down for no one when i had nothing to do with the tucked up shit
Sean did not physically do anything there’s absolutely no evidence to that so you can say you heard this before he said that but that doesn’t mean he did anything chealsie
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Bye now
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Nd the only time u guys talk to him on the regular is when he Is In jail like that’s the only time u talk to him on the regular… like i hate fighting with u but this not getting push on me I no I didn’t do shit wrong and no one on this world is going to make me fill any diff… but I will always and forever love sean nd you but this fighting shit has to stop
Do not ever message me again about when I do and do not talk to my son
Chealsie Broeker Schoonover
Tenor GIF Keyboard
You will just talk about not arguing and then you send some child ass s*** like that
Sean avoids me when he’s not doing right it has nothing to do with when I talk to him
Just please leave me alone chealsie

My name is Autin (Austin)

So technically speaking Roger and I have 6 children: He has 2, I have 2 and we have 2 together. Austin is 1 of the “his 2”. Once upon a time he was itty bitty and when asked his name he would respond: “my name is Autin” which was one of the many adorable little encounters folks used to have with the now 6 foot tall 20 year old 2nd-3rd year college student. Still adorable just on a much larger scale! Some days I wouldn’t know he was home if it wasn’t for the never ending yelling at the xbox……one day I’m hoping he will become wealthy from the time put in to his xbox. No worries though, if that doesn’t work out he does happen to be very smart and is working on a degree in engineering. I’m thankful he is here for many reasons but one thing he does without effort is balancing out the female to male ratio in the house and until/unless you have lived in a house that isn’t balanced you can’t really appreciate the significance!!

A night with the Fegetts

Domino’s and liquor, not the best combination. Anytime you get our family around the kitchen table there is going to be entertainment. Although technically our family consist of a huge array of characters, the only people consistently at our kitchen table these days are: Me and my husband Roger, our 19 yr old son: Austin (currently attending SIU Carbondale and just completed his freshman year) our 18 year old daughter: Soleil (french for Sun, and my mini me) and our 17 year old daughter: Alexa (the baby, the princess, the epitome of the youngest child). These are some of the biggest personalities that you will come across!  The thing I’m most proud of as a parent is our open communication. That said, our dinner conversation is typically unusual for any visitors we may have. Dinner always starts with prayer and prayer always consists of: Dear Lord, thank you for the food we are about to receive and let it be nourishment to our bodies. Please prevent any and all unplanned/unwanted pregnancies ….. that always gets everyone’s attention! Okay, as we speak the family is scratching each others eyes out over domino’s so I should go

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